Forever nowhere

I wake up in the morning, wait to get into the bus so I can peacefully read some book. I enter the office and I wait to finish my morning ritual calls or mails. Then I sit there waiting for my lunch time, then for the clock to hit 5 so that I can again go back into my hiding place which is the bus. I reach home and wait for 9 pm so that I can have my dinner then I wait to go to bed. When I cant sleep and stay awake I think of if only I get to sleep it will soon be morning and the night will be over. So here I am repeating the above steps on every day of my life religiously. So what do you see missing in this routine, its obviously a sense of purpose. Its as if someone has taken away the thing that matters the most to me. I am not talking here about a single purpose like many ppl have, to achieve or to do something diff or something great. Its the simple purpose in life thats missing, the purpose of reaching home with a plan to cook a meal or waking up to think that I can probably do something I did yesterday a lil better today or plan to keep myself occupied on a weekend or atleast dream about something which I know I cant get but atleast I was dreaming. No more there is an urge to own a luxury car nor to go around the world. As I said before the most precious thing is missing in life. I used to think this was a cool life but honestly this is as good as having no existence. If I look back there were many a times when I had a sense of achievement, but if it was never enough, I just want that one moment which will always remain without giving me the feeling of void.
Tonight the dream is mine
tomorrow I wanna be awake with a hope of fulfilling it
But there is lil or no desire to wake up
Just in case the hope was all false

Fountainhead - long way to finish the book

Finally I started reading the fountainhead seriously. After hearing so many people talk about it. It is a daring effort to be different just like the main character. This is what I think as far as I have read right now. People keep telling me about this Howard roark and how he is their favourite character. But honestly in real life if we ever met a character like him how many of us would really like him? Obviously the first attempt by everyone around would be like the character Peter Keating. Basic question is can anyone really love such a man? other than ofcourse the conked off character like Dominique? The part am right now dominique and howard havent met each other but its obvious that they are suitable for each other.So for people who like howard roark I would like to ask what they like about him? I gues everyone wants to be like him, not to care about the world be a master of his own, but not everyone is capable of doing it, either lack of intent or lack of talent. So why even say he is your fav? I can understand if someone likes a jovial character, or a handsome rich guy described in romantic novels but Howard roark? why do people have to pretend about even their fav characters? somehow whenevr people talk about fountainhead the feeling I get is they are trying to place themselves amongst the intellectuals who read only books with some sort of substance - crap. Nothing wrong with the book, amazing till now. But my criticism is for those people who read this and like it because it is supposed to be intellectual/philosophical.The best part of the book till now is that the author has written the book as if she were Howard roark, she so obviously laughs at the person who is reading this book. Its almost as if the author doesnt care what the hell you might think of her book.No she doesnt care if you appreciate it or hate it. She doesnt care if you think it as the best book ever or crap. Good I am reading this book, whenevr I next hear someone saying wow such an amazing book, I can laugh at them saying who cares what you think of it.
Coming to the characters, the only real character in the book is of Peter Keating. Howard roark doesnt exist. Even if he does he is not known to anyone in this world. If you meet him you will despise him. Dominique is just one of those characters who is just at the edge of breakdown. all others are just part of this world we see a bit of each in people around us day in day out.
The story line is kinda obvious and simple. Its about being passionate vs being practical.you will read through the book without much effort, beginning is a bit of a struggle it improves as it progresses. its a jeffery archer book without masala and lot of reality thrown in. Start reading if u are looking for some book to read.